For ten months my mind was a dust storm generated by thoughts of diagnosis, searching for the right care, surgeries, recovery, treatments, side effects, and worries about my family. The dust is beginning to settle, giving making way for my mind to wonder... Surprising to me, I think about cancer several times a day. Every now and then I get a twinge of fright with a "what if" thought for the future. Previously, I was focused on ridding cancer from my body, but not necessarily on the cancer. I get angry with myself for having these dumb, unproductive thoughts. Several doctors warned me that I might experience this type of thinking.
Last night I met a beautiful woman in her 80's that had breast cancer and treatments in 1968-42 years ago! Her demeanor sparkled! She said that she saw me in church and wondered how I was doing. I asked about her treatments, and when she told me about her chemotherapy, it sounded like a very rough road. Chemotherapy must be very different today than it was 42 years ago. Talking with this lovely lady gave me a reprieve from my unnecessary thoughts.
I am looking forward to a happy and healthy 2011. (I like odd numbers.) It begins with a day surgery on January 3rd to have my port removed, and then it will be smooth sailing!
May the miracles of the season be with you throughout the New Year.
Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanzaa!